Ditching the "It's Just a Joke," and other Undercover Insults

barriers boundaries Nov 09, 2022

Wanna hear about something you should stop ignoring? 


It’s the undercover insult. 


You know, the one- when someone follows up a rude statement with: 


“I’m just joking. I make jokes like this to everyone. Don’t take it personally. Calm down! I don’t really mean it.” 




You’re right. 


Degrading jokes & humor laced with insults can be your thing. 


And I won’t take it personally.


So what’s the Empowered Perspective?? 


How can you not take “funny jokes” personally?!?


Here’s the answer: Instead of making someone’s insulting jokes mean something about you, you are free to make it mean something about THEM. 


Having a good laugh at the expense of others is a symptom of inner-tension and a lack of self-compassion.


THE REALITY IS: If YOU don’t feel good when someone is making jokes, that indicates that y’all aren’t a good fit. 


It’s nothing personal… It's just a difference of opinion of what is funny. 


And that’s ok... even if their version of humor is gross to you, they don’t have to change their sense of humor for you… AND you don’t have to “get over it” & make insulting humor your thing. 


This is just a call for a BOUNDARY or a BARRIER. 


How do you know which one is appropriate? 


Well, it depends on if this is a relationship you WANT to keep or if it’s a relationship that can’t be eliminated.  


Boundaries protect relationships & create space for the healthy relationships you value. 


Barriers protect you & create space for the healthy relationship you have with yourself by removing the relationships you don't value. 


There’s a difference between negative people that drain your energy & toxic people that damage your spirit. 


It’s our job to: 

  • Know the difference. 
  • Decide that our mental & emotional well-being matters. 
  • Decide to do something about it. 
  • Maintain the boundary or the barrier. 
  • Create space for the relationships that enrich our lives by disempowering the relationships that deplete us. 


It’s ok not to take rude “jokes” personally & say, “I’ve decided that this relationship isn’t a good fit for me.”


People don’t have to change for you to feel better.  


Are you willing to: 

  • Courageously declare that your emotional health matters?
  • Stand up & say so?
  • Create boundaries and barriers, even if it upsets others? 


Being willing to establish boundaries & then ACTUALLY COMMUNICATING your boundaries are two of the four steps to successfully having boundaries. 


Following through is the key, so if you want support in taking action, I can help.



P.S. I have conversations about this (and so much more) inside WESEE Worldwide, the community for Well-Rounded, Well-Resourced, and Well-Supported Women. 

You can get more details HERE.




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