Decision Power

I've talked about this topic A LOT. But when the word DECISION comes up in 5 conversations in less than two days, I know it's worth writing about it.

Want to know the question someone asked me once that made my blood boil and my stomach cringe? "Will your husband even LET you do that?"

Wow. At first, I was taken aback. (what? why would she ask that??)
Then I was offended. (who the hell does she take me for, a child?)
And then, after some time of reflection, I felt convicted: OUCH.
Have I been asking for permission in my marriage? In my life?

Listen: ladies, it is one thing to have open, respectful communication in your relationship. It's another to be a disempowered woman who hands off all the decisions off to someone else... or, just as bad, being a controlling woman who has to make all the decisions.

If there is one thing that I have learned, it's that the way we do one thing is how we do most things. The reason someone asked me, "If I was ALLOWED" to do something was because I had gotten in the habit of asking terrible questions like:

"Is it ok if I go to the grocery store after dinner?"
"Is it ok if I start a book club that meets on Thursdays?"
"Is it ok if I go to the gym at 6 am before everyone wakes up?"

Just typing those VERY REAL asked questions makes me feel sick to my stomach. AND my husband never even implied that I should.

Where did that come from? How did I, an incredibly strong woman with a high level of independence, get so, well, dependant? When did I decide that I had to ask for permission to do every little thing?

It's a tricky thing the way we give away our power. It starts with the negotiating we do in our head, sliding away from what we want to make everyone else happy. Or to keep things peaceful. Or to avoid being responsible.

Then we relent to all kinds of things that happen outside of us, having a full belief that we don't have options. It's out of our hands. That there is nothing we can do about it.

This is how avoiding or abandoning our decision power becomes an easy shift to blame others for all our problems. For the disappointments we encounter. Or for the mediocre life we feel trapped in.

SO... Who has decision power in your house? Or, maybe an even better question is WHO has decision power in your head??

IS IT YOU? Or is there a gray area where decision power = decision control? (hint: they are NOT the same thing) What is the relationship that you have with YOUR decision power? Do you feel empowered? Do you feel confident in your decisions? Do you feel calm when you decide?

If you feel like you have given up your ability to own your current life experience, please know that only you can change this belief. (ouch!)

The good news is that when we claim the "blame," we also get to claim empowerment.

YOU have to own it, and let me tell you: Conviction STINGS.

It makes you feel red in the face... makes your stomach turn in knots. Your thoughts get defensive because it is easier to focus on everyone or everything else.

So if you feel like explaining why your decision power is NOT WITHIN YOUR CONTROL, I invite you to lean into that feeling and ask yourself: If this were up to me to decide, what would I do? What would I say? What would I want? What do I think?

And then stop with the drama and make a decision. If that didn't work out, create a new decision, just like that. Decide you have the power to make decisions and learn how to ask for support, not permission.

I encourage you to listen to the questions you're asking. (seriously: in your life, your marriage, in your friendships, EVEN IN YOUR HEAD)

This awareness will change your life... this is how we trash the mask of mediocrity and create an elevated life experience.

Do you have decision power?